An Artist's Nightmare

warning: very mild scariness. make sure you don't have any super-sensitive little kids looking over your shoulder. (sorry, sis!)

I have something to admit.

I have a phobia.

It's not arachnophobia (fear of spiders). It's not barophobia (fear of gravity). It's not even xanthophobia (fear of the color yellow...?!)

Nope, I'm scared of breaking my right arm and not being able to draw/write/type/etc for an entire month or two until it heals.

I conciously use my left hand when I have to put my hand into something mildly creepy, like when I have to clean out the drain in the dishwater. Because, you know, there might be monsters in there.

I even bought a $30 pair of wristguards to wear while unicycling. Just in case.

(I just need to teach myself to be ambidextrous. Then this wouldn't be an issue.)

Last night I had a nightmare.

(I know it was a nightmare because it was black and white and not colorful.)

It went like this:

Yesterday my brother and I went biking on the mountain trails by our house. My brother is a speedy daredevil; I'm not. Clankey clankety clankey clunk, hit a stump, clankety bang, hit a rock, clankety ooomph! yell and make my brother wait for me to get back on the bike.

(It was a lot of exhilarating fun in real life, but in dream life the speedy mountain biking was downright scary.)

Then this happened:

And I was like this:

I know, my mind likes to exaggerate things.

Of course, my mind hates me so it decided to take one of my new favorite activities (unicycling on the mountain trails, which is actually safer than biking on the mountain trails) and scare me with it.

Then things got a little weirder.

I don't even DO boxing!

Weird is typical for me.

Evil Ringwraith Dude: "I have something to tell you. I am not left-handed!"

As ludicrous as it sounds... there is only one thing scarier.

Double eyepatches and hooks for hands.

Sharpies and Eggs

UPDATE: Here's a tutorial and more examples!

I've always loved Urkrainian eggs. A few weeks ago, Suzy'sSitcom blog featured some Ukrainian eggs and got my wheels turning...

Traditional eggs are made with a pysanky set, using beeswax, toxic dyes, and several hours per egg. I didn't have any of those.

So I improvised.

(I like improvising, don't I?)

And I found the easiest way ever to decorate Easter eggs with intricate designs.

Behold, the supplies I found! Acrylic paints, small brushes, and.... Sharpies. I saw a big box of multi-colored sharpies sitting on the school table (my mom has a thing with pens), and grabbed them.

I didn't use the acrylic paints at all. Sharpies are the ultimate egg-decorating-tool-cheats.

Addie blowing an egg-- actually, attempting to, because she couldn't do it.

The first step is blowing the egg. This is the grossest and possibly most confounding part of my "Ukrainian" eggs.

You use a thick needle to gently poke a hole in the top and bottom of the egg. Wiggle it around so that the bottom hole is thicker, about the width of a #2 pencil lead. Use the needle to stir up the yolk.

Then blow through the smaller, top hole. Blow until you are red in the face. Roll your eyes when your brothers gleefully exclaim how disgusting it is.

You can use the egg insides to make scrambled eggs, or just toss it.

When the egg is empty, fill it up with water and vinegar. You can use the needle to hold the "film" away from the large bottom hole and use a faucet to fill the egg. We discovered that the best way to get a vinegar/water mixture into the egg is to use a medicine squinter (the kind you get for baby medicine). My friend said that a medical syringe would be even better.

Blow the water/vinegar out of the egg and get started decorating!

Draw the design in pencil (lightly).

Then, go CRAZY with the SHARPIES!

I spent almost an hour per egg, because I'm crazy like that. I get all caught up in art and get more and more and more and more detailed.

I didn't use any dye on my eggs before decorating them, but I did discover that Sharpies can make a very beautiful dye/marbled effect.

Scribble on a small portion of an egg with a Sharpie, then use the tip of a paper towel or a Q-tip to rub the ink around on the egg. Do it in sections so the ink can't dry until it has been marbled.

This egg was made by my friend. Didn't she do a beautiful job? She loves Asian culture, and the writing on the edges of her egg is copied from a Miraculous Medal my grandma gave me. I really want to learn the story behind the medal. It's really old and the writing is some kind of Asian language.

While I went crazy with Sharpies, my siblings dyed their hard-boiled eggs the "normal" way.

My brother saw that the Sharpies said "Non-Toxic," so he decided to draw on hard-boiled eggs with Sharpies. He made a Harry and a Voldemort. They had an epic battle at our breakfast table, and William had a wee bit too much fun squishing the yolk from Voldemort's egg to a pulp.

Next year, I'll try:

Dyeing the egg beforhand

Stringing string through the egg to make an ornament (I don't have a big enough needle now)

Painting eggs with acrylics

Or maybe I'll even be able to try real pysanky.

photo from Suzys Artsy Craftsy Sitcom

You know what? I only made four eggs. And the Easter seasons lasts a whole lot longer than just Easter Sunday. I might go and make some more... there's a whole world waiting inside of those eggs and Sharpies... So many new designs to discover...

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